Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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