At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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