There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
