My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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