Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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