Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
