it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
