She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
