If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
