...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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