the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I believe in your delicious
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
