i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
