Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
