so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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