When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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