and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
