it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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