I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
