Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
