she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
