My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
