I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
