worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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