i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
