just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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