She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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