He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
