I wannas sexs uuuuu
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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