I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
