Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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