3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just puked most of my soul out..
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