Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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