I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
