I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
