just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
