so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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