apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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