god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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