My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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