hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
