If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
