I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pappa wants mamma naked
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
