what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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