I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
