I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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