Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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