is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We got so high we made milksteak
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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