i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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