So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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