I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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