She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
