Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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