I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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