what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
