Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
