I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
