he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
