I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
