Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
