I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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