Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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